I Am Tortured Online and Ultimately (Not) Helped

So, I do much of my shopping online because I'm lazy and indifferent to identity theft. Also I dislike driving. And I have a crush on the hunky UPS fellow who brings me things (he's like Santa for grown-ups, y'know, if Santa was hot).

But things don't always go well. I was trying to order something for my mother-in-law, partly because I was moved by the spirit of the season, but also as a craven attempt to once again buy her love.

My reward for being an awesomely dutiful daughter-in-law was to run into a jam and then get assigned the most idiotic Help Desk Rep in the history of Help Desk Reps. Their online form was SET UP so it only prompts for a first and last name, not a company name. But...because I needed to send something to a business, it wouldn't process the order without an entry in a line...that didn't exist.

So I figured the Help Desk had run into this problem before--it certainly appeared the form was deliberately set up to be un-helpful. Surely their reps could help me. Surely they wouldn't be stupid and let me down and try to crush my brave pioneering spirit. Right? Right.

Behold, our online conversation. Note my unusual restraint...the word Asshat never appears, though God knows I was tempted.

****

Thank you for choosing Company Name Withheld To Protect MJD From Vicious and Vengeful Lawsuit. A representative will be with you shortly.

You are now chatting with Useless Help Rep #17.

You: My name's MJ.

UHR#17: Hello! How can I help you with your order today?

You: I'm being prompted that a company name is required, but darned if I can see where I'm supposed to enter it.

UHR#17: I'll be happy to help with that!

(MJ here: this, though I didn't know it then, was a vicious lie.)

You: Great!

UHR#17: Enter company name above Address Line1.

You: Uh...it's not working.

UHR#17: Have I answered all of your questions today?

You: Not even one of my questions.

UHR#17: Great!

You: I must be blind. All I see above Address line 1 is Location type.

UHR#17: You may have to refresh your browser.

You: There's no 'may' about it. And I have. It's not working.

UHR#17: I apologize for the inconvenience.

You: There's no line for Business. Location type (Business) is selected, then Address line 1.

UHR#17: I apologize for the inconvenience.

You: There IS no place to put the business name, but it won't p rocess the order without the business name. Help!

UHR#17: I apologize for the inconvenience.

UHR#17: That information is located on our web site.

You: WHAT information?

UHR#17: The place where you enter the company name.

You: I give up. Thanks anyway.

UHR#17: Thank you for chatting with Company Name Withheld To Protect MJD From Vicious and Vengeful Lawsuit. We value your feedback. Please click the CLOSE button at the top right to answer a few questions about your experience with us today.

You: I hate you.

***

I'm tormenting everyone with this because at the end of this complete waste of my time, I was prompted to fill out an online survey. Which I never, ever bother with normally. But I bothered with it this time, boys and girls. I bothered with it SO HARD. I bothered the HELL out of it. And the word Asshat? DID make an appearance. Possibly more than once.

Anyway, I also bitched about the whole thing to my husband, who chortled like a hyena and insisted I blog about it.

So, you know. Happy New Year, everybody. And useless Help Desk Rep? I'll find you. Someday I. Will. Find you.

Peace n' stuff,

MJ

I Have a Great Christmas, Probably

Christmas Eve is tomorrow, a time when my children instantly forget all the ways we have indulged them throughout their lives, and cough up more demands than a ransom note. Also: *I* cough up more demands than a ransom note. What can I say? I'm weak. Also vain and selfish. I'm owning it, okay? 'Tis the season for extortion, or however the saying goes.

JENNIFER SCALES AND THE POISON MOON has been put to bed, wee-hee! And now I'm starting copy edits for ME, MYSELF, AND WHY. And I'll be giving away a couple of ARCs of the latter, so stick by this Bat Channel, Bat Chicks (and Roosters!).

Meanwhile, have a Happy, and most of all stay safe.

Still Forced To Cooperate

My husband and I are on the last stretch for RISE OF THE POISON MOON. And I have to say, I'm really proud of the book and love how it came out (so far...there's still about 15 pages to go!). And with the holidays being so crazy-busy, it's pretty great to share the work with another writer. (Ah yes, I have my own in-house writer and editor...whom I have to sleep with, of course, but it's worth it to get the work out of him.)

I Am Forced To Cooperate With My Husband

Tony and I are on the home stretch with RISE OF THE POISON MOON, the next Jennifer Scales book. I'm having a lot of fun with this one, most because of the budding romance between two of the characters. I can honestly that, after JENNIFER SCALES AND THE ANCIENT FURNACE, which was the first book in the series, this one has been my favorite to work on.

Best of all? I only have to do half the work! So I only have half the headaches. Or is it twice the headaches? My math has always sucked.

Anyway. When we aren't reminding each other that Christmas loometh, my husband and I are editing the hell out of each other's copy. Ah, yuletide joy.